DrFelllati0937: Omg! I wish you were nearby, Prof. Backdoor. I'm having some major difficulties with this bottle of wine.
ProfBakDor0928: Holy COW! That is such a coincidence. I was just hoping to have a bottle of white with my dinner downstairs.
DrFelllati037: ProfBack, you weren't just about to get your sexy back downstairs, now, were you? You know, we don't play like that, player!
ProfBakDor0928: I know, but those dark spaces really turn me on! It's like so bft 60's, especially with all the black-light posters we got going on down there.
DrFelllati0937: Well, aren't you just a 'lil SSE! I could just put you in a 'lil sauce and fry you with shishkabobs!
ProfBakDor0928: Oh, Doc, you know that the kabobs don't taste half as decent without the special sauce!
DrFelllati0937: You mean, the soy saucy sauce? That somekind of speciall sauce which melts all around the inside of the mouth and then goes toward a drippy conclusion, the likes of which Whammo, for better or worse, will be a conglomeration of the most hyperbolic state gooo-ey pleasure the likes of which this galaxy has ne'er seen in...
{BEEP!} "You have reached your cell-phone's character-limit."
(Together) Muhaha. Muhahahaha. Muuuuuhahaha! Muuuhahaaahaaa {BEEP!}
ASTROSTARWHAMMOPWRS0237: yOU GUYS ARE IDIOTS!
DrFelllati0937: What? How did he get this number?
ProfBakDor0928: He must have hacked onto the computer mainframe VIA satellite, sir.
ASTROSTARWHAMMOPWRS0237: Haha. Whammo!
DrFelllati0937: Alright. ttyl, BakDor.
ProfBakDor0928: Peace out.
At that moment, there is a sound of shattering ice from high above Dr. Felllatio's evil harem of Hell as Benito breaks through, though he experiences a little trouble due to his parachute which gets caught on some of the ice above. Resourceful as ever, Benito cuts himself free with his mini-laser watch and descends to the metal floor without so much as a scratch.
Benito: "No, you peace out!"
Prof. Backdoor: How could he tell what I was texting?
Benito: Easy, I read your dirty, little mind. I may be young with the 'whammo', but I'm still not a bad mind-reader, when push comes to shove. You could well use a mind-reader on your side, I wager.
Dr. Felllatio: We'll put you to the challenge, Benito. If you want to join us, you've got to first defeat Austen 'Whammo' Pwers in hand-to=hand combat.
Benito: C'mon, Pwers. Let's see what you got!
Austen: Oh, Benito. How young you are with the whammo, compared to Austen 'Whammo' Pwers!!
{A brawl then takes place between Benito and Powers. Austen's powers then being weaker after experiencing the torture Of IM instant-messaging and dr. felllatio's text messages, does not fare as well as when his Whammo powers were up to speed. Benito pins him in a half-Nelson on the floor, sticking his face in Felllatio's birthday cake}
Dr. Felllatio: Easy on the cake there, Benito.
Benito: What're you going to do about it, then?
Dr. Felllatio: Challenge you to a game of Soduku.
Benito: Alright, you're on! [Game of Soduku ensues and Benito loses miserably.]
Benito (to Team Whammo): I need back-up!
Alright, Dr. Felllatio, you won at Soduku, but that is a game worthy of dogs who chew the morning papers for breakfast. How about two out of three? This time we'll play a game of my choice: Tic-Tac-Toe!
Dr. Felllatio: Fine. Bring it, Benito! [This game ends in a stale-mate.]
While you may be stronger in the Whammo these days, Benito, it seems you lack staying power!
Benito: Enough! I challenge you to a head-to-head bout of Dance, Dance Revolution!
Dr. Felllatio, in his pride, and thinking that he's still in the 60's or something, does not turn down the challenge. Just as they are about to start on the super-duper fast, mix-it-up section, Team Whammo arrives, crashing through the rest of the ceiling as Benito hits his Star Power. Coming to a crash landing, Team Whammo rolls out of the BANANA Boat in their hoola-skirts and Steph the Friendly Smurf immediately runs over to help Benito as they combine their Whammo-ing powers on the dance pad, picking up a double score! Prof. Back Door tries to back-up his partners, but to no avail. Team Whammo then takes a crate of banana peels from the boat's disposal unit, dumping it on top of Austen to bring his Whammo powers back to their senses. With Austen's powers restored, the balence of Whammo is restored to the galaxy, and there was much rejoicing. "What happened to Dr. Felllatio?" asked Colonel DeSantis after all the excitement had died down on the dark side of the moon. "I thought I could pick up a trick or two..."
"The took off in the giant kiwi!" boomed the Captain's voice from somewhere undetermined, perhaps near the ceiling. And so was Team Turbo left to wonder, but Benito didn't wait around long enough to find out. "peace out!" reflected Benito, and flew off on another adventure .
Next Time in the Adventures of Team Whammo... Beating back the urge to Whammo!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Special Thanksgiving Double-Feature! Team Whammo and the Dark Side of the Moon, Part II
This Thanksgiving was happily being celebrated by all aboard the BANANA Boat h37 by the entire host of Team Whammo, as the First-Mate was just then getting busy on General Turbo's sushi-roll, which was soon dribbling with copious amounts of soy-sauce, as well as the Admiral and the Colonel, who had found themselves backing into the custodial closet with much to-do, seeking out their own soy-sauce among the upper shelves, even as Chewmicca was becoming exceedingly interested in Brad the Bard's 'Robo-Dog' who was just then turning a bright shade of magenta and rosy round the face and ears, as Steph the Friendly Smurf was beginning to give Benito interesting, inscrutible facial expressions, even as she spun KFish round ala dossey-do, en route themselves towards the custodian's closet, hoping for a tasty treat, and Brad and Laura at the controls were carving up their own healthy-sized portion of Whammo, as Laura took a break from her Second-Mate position alongside H.T. to try her hand at the Whammo-ing joystick, which hummed and vibrated as they deftly manouvered over the dark side of these here moons.
Suddenly, the Captain rang in for Benito.
The Captain: Benito, have you made contact with Austen 'Whammo' Pwers, yet?
Benito: Well, no, Captain, can't say that I have. I did feel a disturbance in the Whammo, just now, I must admit, but Team Whammo's a bit, how shall we say, busy at the moment.
The Captain: Busy?! I thought you guys were on a mission to save Austen 'Whammo' Pwers from losing his Whammo. Do you have any idea what will become of Austen without his Whammo powers?? The whole fate of the power of Whammo in the galaxy is at stake here!
Benito: Like I say, Team Whammo...
The Captain: For the love of whammo, you've got to get to the dark side, pronto!
{Moaning can be heard from the custodial closet, as well as the faucet in the bathroom, which is turned on full blast, but the sound of the golden Air-Toilette 5000 can still be heard flushing at regular intervals.}
Benito: Now that you mention it, I do remember something in 'The Whammo Times' about Dr. Felllatio needing a new assistant. Maybe I'm the man for the job!
The Captain: No, Benito, absolutely not! I did not mean to insinuate that you should seek to join the actual dark side. I was speaking of the dark side of the moon as you could of course... Benito? Beniiiitoooooo!
Suddenly, the Captain rang in for Benito.
The Captain: Benito, have you made contact with Austen 'Whammo' Pwers, yet?
Benito: Well, no, Captain, can't say that I have. I did feel a disturbance in the Whammo, just now, I must admit, but Team Whammo's a bit, how shall we say, busy at the moment.
The Captain: Busy?! I thought you guys were on a mission to save Austen 'Whammo' Pwers from losing his Whammo. Do you have any idea what will become of Austen without his Whammo powers?? The whole fate of the power of Whammo in the galaxy is at stake here!
Benito: Like I say, Team Whammo...
The Captain: For the love of whammo, you've got to get to the dark side, pronto!
{Moaning can be heard from the custodial closet, as well as the faucet in the bathroom, which is turned on full blast, but the sound of the golden Air-Toilette 5000 can still be heard flushing at regular intervals.}
Benito: Now that you mention it, I do remember something in 'The Whammo Times' about Dr. Felllatio needing a new assistant. Maybe I'm the man for the job!
The Captain: No, Benito, absolutely not! I did not mean to insinuate that you should seek to join the actual dark side. I was speaking of the dark side of the moon as you could of course... Benito? Beniiiitoooooo!
But it was too late. At this moment, Benito had jumped through the escape-hatch, leaving Team Whammo behind to their frivolities, and was now hurtling through the clouds down towards the surface of the dark side of the moon
]Meanwhile[
....
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Team Whammo and the Dark Side of the Whammo/ Moon Raker with a Whammo-Stick
So it's been a while since we last saw Team Whammo in action, so to speak, and after all that good turkey, no wonder they were all feeling a little bit sluggish after their picnic on the beach, but do briefly recap...
Team Whammo was just about to get down and dirty with some "Sexy Pop", as Em and Nick were backing it up against the door, while KFish was slip-sliding her way towards the party, and Steph the "Very Friendly" Smurf was just getting her groove on, about to rock it across the universe and beyond the Smiley Way, as Benito and Turbo were holding high their double-fisted toasts in Thanksgiving, when the Captain phoned in with some exciting news: "Looks like a got your ticket out of there, guys!"
Team Whammo: "Awwww..."
Nick in his hoola-skirt and Courtney with her coconut-bra were making sour faces, upset that their spontaneous swamp-side frivolity was being cut short. "Well, isn't that some mean Whammo!"
"Yeah..." continued the Captain. "Anyways, like I was saying, I can get you out, but your going to have to locate 'ol Austin on the far side of the moon. He's got the booster packs you'll need to rocket past this border planet. Commander Twelker could explain it better, but he's on Earth...."
Turbo: "Not Austen 'Whammo' Pwers!"
The Captain: "The same."
Benito: "Well, in that case you can just forget it, Cap'n. There's no way were going all the way to the dark side of the moon to find some hill-billy whose come all the way out here to reconnect with the universe, or some dumb shit like that. Hell, we can't even find our way out of this swamp, and...."
The Captain: "Patience, El Benito. You are still young in the ways of the Whammo and..."
Benito: "Aww, don't give me that Whammo crap. Who believes in the powers of Whammo these days anyhow?"
{Team Turbo looks at Benito, amazed at this audacious statement. It could have just been the light from a 'triple-shot sun', but it was almost as if Admiral Nelson's coconuts noticably began to sag at that moment.}
"Yeah, c'mon. We all know that the powers of Whammo are short-lived. Yes, it gives off short bursts of energy, given the right applications, and in the right situation can lead to brilliant spouts of Whammo for those who are well with the Whammo, but there is also the darker side of Whammo to consider. I mean, we don't even know the whereabouts of Dr. Felllatio and his evil henchmon, Professor Backdoor #2.....
Captain: "I do."
Benito: "Yeah, it's because of people like them that Whammo is so fuckin'... what? You know their coordinates as well??"
Captain: "Yes, as I was about to say, they are holding Austen for ransom on the dark side of the moon."
Steph the Friendly Smurf: "Not Austen! But what about his 'Whammo powers'?
{Benito looks surprised, taken aback that this little smurf should know anything of the powers of the Whammo.}
Captain: "I cannot say, but this much is certain. You must find Dr. Felllatio and his evil henchmon in order to save Austen and restore to him his Whammo powers, in order to use his booster rockets to rocket on past the dark side of the moon, or else the fate of Team Turbo will hang in the balence and potentially be submitted to random and perverse acts of Whammo."
BenitoL: Sounds righteous!
Chew-micca: "Rough."
{The Captain rolls his eyes. General Abbott's looks concerned and wears a furrowed brow.}
The Captain: "Alright, well don't say I didn't warn you! I'm texting you the coordinates... now."
Turbo: "Not all is well with the Whammo." Courtney (in the background): "That's original! Ha!}
Suddenly, Brad and Laura whisk in from behind a coconut tree in a hover-craft, shaped like a giant banana. The front peels open, scooping them all up, and they are all whisked away.
H.T.: HOw do ye like are new B.A.N.A.N.A. h37? iT'S just come on sale on Planet Canadalia and...
Canadalia (turning around with a wide, toothy smile for Team Whammo): ...we went for it!
Team Turbo: Sweeeeeet.
[Meanwhile, on the dark side of the moon...]
Dr. Felllatio is speaking to Austen 'Whammo' Pwers through a large straw ): as he endeavors to hear, but is having trouble as the Bad Doctor keeps dribbling and making a mess, even as the Bad Professor, dressed in sweat clothes and red in the face, towels it all up afterward.
Dr. felllatio927: What are the coordinates of the Whammo Secret Base?
Austen: I dunno. Why don't you ask Team Whammo?
Dr. felllatio927: I'm warning you Pwers! I've got a super-STD-enhancing Lazor, model 9271, orbiting around this moon. And, yep, you guessed it. I'm not afraid to use it!
Austen: Ooh, I'm so scared of your giant lay-ser! Ha! You can't touch me. I'm Austen 'Whammo' Pwers!
ProfBackDor272: Not without your Whammo powers, you ain't!
Dr. felllatio927: That's right. You tell 'em, Backdoor!
ProfBackDor272: Thanks, Dr. Fellll. wtg
Dr. felllatio927: yeah, right. wwwjd.
ProfBackDor272: wdygi?
Dr. felllatio927: wtc.
ProfBackDor272: But did you hear what emf232 had to say?
Dr. felllatio927: No, what was his tgif?
ProfBackDor272: He was like 'ews' to your 'nwrp'!
Dr. felllatio927: lol. Too funny. Backdoor, you're such a fuia!
Austen: Alright, enough with the IN-stan-MESS-aging!
Dr. Felllatio: Right. Austen, we want you to do something for us....
Austen (getting very annoyed now): What do you bimbos want, anyway? Gay sex? 'Cause I'm not adverse to...
Dr. Felllatio (with a glance at Prof. Backdoor): No, I mean, yes, I mean...that is...we want you to die.
Austen: {gulp}
Dr. Felllatio: And by die, I mean a figurative death by having very awkward, drunnken Whammo with a close friend...
Austen: ????
Dr. Felllatio (smiling broadly now and holding up a spiked, smiling dildo, which strangely enough, looks exactly like Dr. Felllatio's head!): "And this!"
{Austen, feeling really weirded out at this point, panics and kicks himself in the balls. That action triggers a re-action on the part of Team Turbo, that is, the male half of Team Turbo, having been getting busy in back with some high-quality, space-age Beer-Pong aboard B.A.N.A.N.A. Boat h37, all suddenly drop to the floor in spasms of pain. General Abbott and Colonel Desantis hop up first, being strong in the Whammo, not to mention those morning wake-up calls after a long night of Beirut and Boozahol.}
KFish: What was that?
Admiral Nelson: You guys eat some bad sushi or something?
Colonel DeSantis: Nah, nah, we're cool. Just a little turbulence in the back of the cabin, that's all.
Courtney (looking around, bewildered): Turbulence? I didn't feel any turbulence...
Turbo: Cheer up, Blindey. You know I'm the only Turbo-lence you feel.
Benito (pointing out the window): Looks like we're getting close to the dark side (of the moon)!
Admiral Nelson: "Who feels like singing?"
Benito: "The Dark Side of the Moon" by R.E.M.?
Admiral Nelson: No, silly. THE song.
Benito: "Oh, right...
Team Turbo: "It's Whammo; it's whammoooo...."
[To be continued...]
Team Whammo was just about to get down and dirty with some "Sexy Pop", as Em and Nick were backing it up against the door, while KFish was slip-sliding her way towards the party, and Steph the "Very Friendly" Smurf was just getting her groove on, about to rock it across the universe and beyond the Smiley Way, as Benito and Turbo were holding high their double-fisted toasts in Thanksgiving, when the Captain phoned in with some exciting news: "Looks like a got your ticket out of there, guys!"
Team Whammo: "Awwww..."
Nick in his hoola-skirt and Courtney with her coconut-bra were making sour faces, upset that their spontaneous swamp-side frivolity was being cut short. "Well, isn't that some mean Whammo!"
"Yeah..." continued the Captain. "Anyways, like I was saying, I can get you out, but your going to have to locate 'ol Austin on the far side of the moon. He's got the booster packs you'll need to rocket past this border planet. Commander Twelker could explain it better, but he's on Earth...."
Turbo: "Not Austen 'Whammo' Pwers!"
The Captain: "The same."
Benito: "Well, in that case you can just forget it, Cap'n. There's no way were going all the way to the dark side of the moon to find some hill-billy whose come all the way out here to reconnect with the universe, or some dumb shit like that. Hell, we can't even find our way out of this swamp, and...."
The Captain: "Patience, El Benito. You are still young in the ways of the Whammo and..."
Benito: "Aww, don't give me that Whammo crap. Who believes in the powers of Whammo these days anyhow?"
{Team Turbo looks at Benito, amazed at this audacious statement. It could have just been the light from a 'triple-shot sun', but it was almost as if Admiral Nelson's coconuts noticably began to sag at that moment.}
"Yeah, c'mon. We all know that the powers of Whammo are short-lived. Yes, it gives off short bursts of energy, given the right applications, and in the right situation can lead to brilliant spouts of Whammo for those who are well with the Whammo, but there is also the darker side of Whammo to consider. I mean, we don't even know the whereabouts of Dr. Felllatio and his evil henchmon, Professor Backdoor #2.....
Captain: "I do."
Benito: "Yeah, it's because of people like them that Whammo is so fuckin'... what? You know their coordinates as well??"
Captain: "Yes, as I was about to say, they are holding Austen for ransom on the dark side of the moon."
Steph the Friendly Smurf: "Not Austen! But what about his 'Whammo powers'?
{Benito looks surprised, taken aback that this little smurf should know anything of the powers of the Whammo.}
Captain: "I cannot say, but this much is certain. You must find Dr. Felllatio and his evil henchmon in order to save Austen and restore to him his Whammo powers, in order to use his booster rockets to rocket on past the dark side of the moon, or else the fate of Team Turbo will hang in the balence and potentially be submitted to random and perverse acts of Whammo."
BenitoL: Sounds righteous!
Chew-micca: "Rough."
{The Captain rolls his eyes. General Abbott's looks concerned and wears a furrowed brow.}
The Captain: "Alright, well don't say I didn't warn you! I'm texting you the coordinates... now."
Turbo: "Not all is well with the Whammo." Courtney (in the background): "That's original! Ha!}
Suddenly, Brad and Laura whisk in from behind a coconut tree in a hover-craft, shaped like a giant banana. The front peels open, scooping them all up, and they are all whisked away.
H.T.: HOw do ye like are new B.A.N.A.N.A. h37? iT'S just come on sale on Planet Canadalia and...
Canadalia (turning around with a wide, toothy smile for Team Whammo): ...we went for it!
Team Turbo: Sweeeeeet.
[Meanwhile, on the dark side of the moon...]
Dr. Felllatio is speaking to Austen 'Whammo' Pwers through a large straw ): as he endeavors to hear, but is having trouble as the Bad Doctor keeps dribbling and making a mess, even as the Bad Professor, dressed in sweat clothes and red in the face, towels it all up afterward.
Dr. felllatio927: What are the coordinates of the Whammo Secret Base?
Austen: I dunno. Why don't you ask Team Whammo?
Dr. felllatio927: I'm warning you Pwers! I've got a super-STD-enhancing Lazor, model 9271, orbiting around this moon. And, yep, you guessed it. I'm not afraid to use it!
Austen: Ooh, I'm so scared of your giant lay-ser! Ha! You can't touch me. I'm Austen 'Whammo' Pwers!
ProfBackDor272: Not without your Whammo powers, you ain't!
Dr. felllatio927: That's right. You tell 'em, Backdoor!
ProfBackDor272: Thanks, Dr. Fellll. wtg
Dr. felllatio927: yeah, right. wwwjd.
ProfBackDor272: wdygi?
Dr. felllatio927: wtc.
ProfBackDor272: But did you hear what emf232 had to say?
Dr. felllatio927: No, what was his tgif?
ProfBackDor272: He was like 'ews' to your 'nwrp'!
Dr. felllatio927: lol. Too funny. Backdoor, you're such a fuia!
Austen: Alright, enough with the IN-stan-MESS-aging!
Dr. Felllatio: Right. Austen, we want you to do something for us....
Austen (getting very annoyed now): What do you bimbos want, anyway? Gay sex? 'Cause I'm not adverse to...
Dr. Felllatio (with a glance at Prof. Backdoor): No, I mean, yes, I mean...that is...we want you to die.
Austen: {gulp}
Dr. Felllatio: And by die, I mean a figurative death by having very awkward, drunnken Whammo with a close friend...
Austen: ????
Dr. Felllatio (smiling broadly now and holding up a spiked, smiling dildo, which strangely enough, looks exactly like Dr. Felllatio's head!): "And this!"
{Austen, feeling really weirded out at this point, panics and kicks himself in the balls. That action triggers a re-action on the part of Team Turbo, that is, the male half of Team Turbo, having been getting busy in back with some high-quality, space-age Beer-Pong aboard B.A.N.A.N.A. Boat h37, all suddenly drop to the floor in spasms of pain. General Abbott and Colonel Desantis hop up first, being strong in the Whammo, not to mention those morning wake-up calls after a long night of Beirut and Boozahol.}
KFish: What was that?
Admiral Nelson: You guys eat some bad sushi or something?
Colonel DeSantis: Nah, nah, we're cool. Just a little turbulence in the back of the cabin, that's all.
Courtney (looking around, bewildered): Turbulence? I didn't feel any turbulence...
Turbo: Cheer up, Blindey. You know I'm the only Turbo-lence you feel.
Benito (pointing out the window): Looks like we're getting close to the dark side (of the moon)!
Admiral Nelson: "Who feels like singing?"
Benito: "The Dark Side of the Moon" by R.E.M.?
Admiral Nelson: No, silly. THE song.
Benito: "Oh, right...
Team Turbo: "It's Whammo; it's whammoooo...."
[To be continued...]
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Team Whammo and the Blast from the Past
Having been hurtled through millions of particles of star-dust by a cosmic hurricane, sending Team Turbo 'awhammo-ing far beyond the Guster Cluster, where Team Whammo had just finished kicking some major ass ( and by kicking it, I mean gettin' some! ), and taking in all the good vibrations and 'giggidy-giggidy' giddiness that comes with the territory, that is and was the Guster effect, being a jolt of super-charged electrons from a proton blast of epic proportions culminating in supernova from rocking so hard that it hurt, and yet managing to keep the cosmic bed fairly well intact, Benito had discovered the infamous 'Backstage Pass' by opening up millions and millions of Guster Cluster chocolate bars, finally to discover the one and only which contained the magic white-chocolate. Oh, ev'n that creamy goodness which passes over the tongue like a school of dolphins jumping over the moon in one's mouth and then coming back for more, but not before the self-same liquor has been found and swigs taken all round! Unfortunately for Team Whammo, that state of euphoria was not to last, and so they crashed... into the moon.
Benito: "Cap'n, where the hell are we?"
Captain: "You're on the far side of the galaxy, Benito. hehehe... Just a moment, I'm calculating your coordinates now."
Benito: "Roger that. Turbo, where the hell are you?!"
Admiral Nelson: "They fell into a bog, Benito."
Benito: "Ooh, what happened?"
Admiral Nelson: "Yeah, Colonel DeSantis and I saw 'em go down. Nasty. Turbo and the First-mate were last seen crashing into a dense part of the jungle. We think they crashed and fell into a bog. We haven't heard from 'em since. But Turbo did tell us that the First-mate's ejector seat mal-functioned and sent her hurtling into a coco-nut tree.
Benito: "Ouch! Those coco-nuts sure do pack a punch! Where were Brad and Laura when we needed them? They're supposed to be good at the swoop, catch, and lay scenario.
Colonel DeSantis: "I can help you on that one, Benito. They've just completed an extended tour of the Canadalia system en route to the other side of the galaxy, which some call the "West Side", but also known more colloquially as the home of the late-great ghetto super-stars of our time. In other words, they've gone AWOL.
Benito: "They've gone galactic, aye?"
Colonel DeSantis: "Yep. Oh, the Turbo drive is kicking in. That can only mean one thing...
Team Whammo: Ka-dunk-ah-dunk, Turbo's back!
Benito: Sweeeet. Captain! [on the communicator] What news?
Captain: Well, it took some geometrical and hyper-galactic triangulation, but I finally found you, Benito. You're on the Emerald Isle, a habitable meteor on a remote part of the star-system known as Midd Clusters. Now, if you can get to the nearby moon known as 'Bedrock's coco-pebbles', that would be great and from which point I can beem y'all out of there. I'd come down there myself, but I don't like chocolate.
Benito: Right. Thanx, Cap'n. We'll relay our position from the far side of the moon.
Captain: Copy that. over n out.
While the rest of Team Whammo make themselves comfortable on the island, laying together on the beach as Chew-micca begins weaving a rough hammoc, Benito goes to climb a coco-nut tree. Glancing behind it, he finds something.
Benito: "Why, hello. Looks like we've found something, boys!
Steph: "I'm a Smurf."
Benito: "Right, and I'm Benito Mussolini."
Steph: "I talk to smurrels."
Benito: "Oh my, it really is a smurf. Yo, chek it! I found a cute lil' Smurf, you guys!
Steph: "I am fluent in over two-hundred forms of verbal and non-verbal communication.
Benito: "Rowrrr. Wait a... it's a Fem-bot! Quick, lend me my boomerang!
(Benito whips out his boomerang.)
Admiral Nelson: "Wait, no, that's not a Fem-bot. That's Steph the Friendly Smurf!
Benito: "Oh, sorry. Well, you can never be too careful around the Midd Clusters. They tend to bunch up and stick to your teeth, and then you have a real dental case on your hands! Nah, we could use another Communications Officer. Commander Kane, welcome aboard! Now, if we could just get our hands on a ship...
Colonel DeSantis: "I got Turbo on the line! Yo, Benito's landed!
Turbo (on the far-side of the moon): Benitooooooo!
Benito (grabbing the communicator): Guess what, Turbo?
Turbo: What's good, my brotha?
Benito: We got ourselves a new Commando! Commando Kane, the friendly Smurf.
Turbo (emerging from the bushes with the First-mate on his shoulders and helping himself to some Booza-hol from the haul of the destroyed ship's cabin cupboard): What's that, Benito? You're going commando? haha. Yeah, let's set the beat!
Turbo begins removing Benito's shirt, as Em turns on some "Sexy Back" and everyone de-robes. Nick, on the other hand, starts getting his freak on, moving back-to-back with Turbo.
Benito (after a few moves on the dance floor): That's all very flattering, but I was referring to...
Benito gesticulates toward Steph the Friendly Smurf, who has woven some of Chew-micca's leaves together into a hoola-skirt and has begun performing a 'luu-ow'.
Nick: Whammo!
Turbo (raising his flagon): To Whammo!
Benito: Here we go again...
Steph makes like a smurf and starts giggling behind the coco-nut tree.
Turbo: All together now!
Team Whammo: "It's Whammo; it's whammo....."
Stay tuned for another adventure from the Adventures of Team Whammo, and see how Team Turbo tackles this tricky situation in... Team Whammo and the Flight to the Far Side of the Moon!
Benito: "Cap'n, where the hell are we?"
Captain: "You're on the far side of the galaxy, Benito. hehehe... Just a moment, I'm calculating your coordinates now."
Benito: "Roger that. Turbo, where the hell are you?!"
Admiral Nelson: "They fell into a bog, Benito."
Benito: "Ooh, what happened?"
Admiral Nelson: "Yeah, Colonel DeSantis and I saw 'em go down. Nasty. Turbo and the First-mate were last seen crashing into a dense part of the jungle. We think they crashed and fell into a bog. We haven't heard from 'em since. But Turbo did tell us that the First-mate's ejector seat mal-functioned and sent her hurtling into a coco-nut tree.
Benito: "Ouch! Those coco-nuts sure do pack a punch! Where were Brad and Laura when we needed them? They're supposed to be good at the swoop, catch, and lay scenario.
Colonel DeSantis: "I can help you on that one, Benito. They've just completed an extended tour of the Canadalia system en route to the other side of the galaxy, which some call the "West Side", but also known more colloquially as the home of the late-great ghetto super-stars of our time. In other words, they've gone AWOL.
Benito: "They've gone galactic, aye?"
Colonel DeSantis: "Yep. Oh, the Turbo drive is kicking in. That can only mean one thing...
Team Whammo: Ka-dunk-ah-dunk, Turbo's back!
Benito: Sweeeet. Captain! [on the communicator] What news?
Captain: Well, it took some geometrical and hyper-galactic triangulation, but I finally found you, Benito. You're on the Emerald Isle, a habitable meteor on a remote part of the star-system known as Midd Clusters. Now, if you can get to the nearby moon known as 'Bedrock's coco-pebbles', that would be great and from which point I can beem y'all out of there. I'd come down there myself, but I don't like chocolate.
Benito: Right. Thanx, Cap'n. We'll relay our position from the far side of the moon.
Captain: Copy that. over n out.
While the rest of Team Whammo make themselves comfortable on the island, laying together on the beach as Chew-micca begins weaving a rough hammoc, Benito goes to climb a coco-nut tree. Glancing behind it, he finds something.
Benito: "Why, hello. Looks like we've found something, boys!
Steph: "I'm a Smurf."
Benito: "Right, and I'm Benito Mussolini."
Steph: "I talk to smurrels."
Benito: "Oh my, it really is a smurf. Yo, chek it! I found a cute lil' Smurf, you guys!
Steph: "I am fluent in over two-hundred forms of verbal and non-verbal communication.
Benito: "Rowrrr. Wait a... it's a Fem-bot! Quick, lend me my boomerang!
(Benito whips out his boomerang.)
Admiral Nelson: "Wait, no, that's not a Fem-bot. That's Steph the Friendly Smurf!
Benito: "Oh, sorry. Well, you can never be too careful around the Midd Clusters. They tend to bunch up and stick to your teeth, and then you have a real dental case on your hands! Nah, we could use another Communications Officer. Commander Kane, welcome aboard! Now, if we could just get our hands on a ship...
Colonel DeSantis: "I got Turbo on the line! Yo, Benito's landed!
Turbo (on the far-side of the moon): Benitooooooo!
Benito (grabbing the communicator): Guess what, Turbo?
Turbo: What's good, my brotha?
Benito: We got ourselves a new Commando! Commando Kane, the friendly Smurf.
Turbo (emerging from the bushes with the First-mate on his shoulders and helping himself to some Booza-hol from the haul of the destroyed ship's cabin cupboard): What's that, Benito? You're going commando? haha. Yeah, let's set the beat!
Turbo begins removing Benito's shirt, as Em turns on some "Sexy Back" and everyone de-robes. Nick, on the other hand, starts getting his freak on, moving back-to-back with Turbo.
Benito (after a few moves on the dance floor): That's all very flattering, but I was referring to...
Benito gesticulates toward Steph the Friendly Smurf, who has woven some of Chew-micca's leaves together into a hoola-skirt and has begun performing a 'luu-ow'.
Nick: Whammo!
Turbo (raising his flagon): To Whammo!
Benito: Here we go again...
Steph makes like a smurf and starts giggling behind the coco-nut tree.
Turbo: All together now!
Team Whammo: "It's Whammo; it's whammo....."
Stay tuned for another adventure from the Adventures of Team Whammo, and see how Team Turbo tackles this tricky situation in... Team Whammo and the Flight to the Far Side of the Moon!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Team Turbo and the Captain's Missing Drawers
When we last left Team Turbo, the Cancerous-Cookie was just beginning to crumble under the watchful eye of General Christopher A. Abbott and the rest of the Turbo crew, they were all kicking back for a nice cruise down memory lane: Turbo and the Colonel were going on about their successes on the Beer-Pong Circuit of the Universe, and were pondering whether to join the traveling Pongs of Fury or try their hand on the Senior Tour, as H.T. and Canadia were doing it "Brad and Laura style" in the background by their little robot-dog who had just turned bright magenta-orange, and Benito was looking at the bottom of the barrel, when suddenly the Captain had an epiphany.
Benito: “Why oh why is all the rum gone?”
Captain: “But why, oh why, are my pants missing?”
Admiral Nelson: “Why, Turbo just ate them in passing.”
Colonel DeSantis: “That’s impossible! You must be a bit tipsy, Admiral. Not even Turbo with his Boozahol abilities could withstand the effects of such a colossal snack as that of the Captain’s underpants. No, it was most certainly Chew-micca!
The First-Mate: “Chew-micca! Why did you eat the Captain’s underpants?”
Turbo (from the background): "Has anybody seen my pants?"
And so was all of Team Turbo left to wonder, while meanwhile… Commander Twelker had just agreed to undertake a special project on their behalf, which was in close accord, yet unknown to they themselves, with the Captain, but by all means benefiting the larger goals of Team Turbo. Having been too ill to accompany Commander Twelker on his mission, a top-down request on the part of his superiors, that he travel back to the galaxy known as Baked Alaska, but not having traveled that far south as to encounter those more baked citizens of this particular region known as the Anchorage Zone, but instead having voyaged past the twilight beyond to a little known part of this galaxy known as Juno, being surrounded on all sides by cosmic swirls of milky-white substance that drop down chocolate chunks of pouring hail on this quaint little island planet, in affiliation with Jupiter, yet distinct in and of itself, and let it be known, in extremely close contact with the Alliance! Though small, it is considered to be the capital of Baked Alaska and one that turns out many of the best baked islanders that go on to be high-quality engineers. At this time it was made known to the Commander that there was to be had a competition further south in which those engineer-minded physicists would be engaging in the highest levels of competition with like-minded individuals of similar age and backgrounds, all competing in their designs of the fastest “speeder-bike”. Yet Karlo’s design was unique in its configuration, using his advanced studies in this cutting-edge technology to his own advantage, and thusly coming up with a high-bred jet-propulsion engine, harnessing the powers of Foo-Shawn, which also happens to be a religion in the far-Eastern sections of the Turbonic Galaxy, to devastating consequences, or at least that is what Commander Twelker hopes to bring to the Baked Alaskan table this year and the grander Team Turbo at large. Mmmmmmmm. You just got served!
From what the Lieutenant has gathered, however, from his interviews with the Captain, who has himself been enrolled in late-night classes taught by recently-retired Sergeant Wilson of the Klingon Federations’s Alpha-fleet, XX Star-Command, in an effort to understand the complexities involved in such an endeavor, yet understanding well its importance to the larger goals of USS Endeavor’s elite force space squadron, on rendez-vous for tactical assistance with main Turbo HQ, but such were the circumstances upon which Team Turbo found itself, helpless to resist the alternatives to Bilithium H-Carbonate, which Endeavor had been using for fuel ever since the massive quantities have it had been discovered aboard the XXX Star-Command vessel known as Alpha-Centauri Maximus Prime, “Maxi” for short, which had just completed a routine circuit through the Medeira System, encountering countless numbers of meteors in the process, and finding a prominence of Lithium within the sulfuric meteor-field itself known to all as Eratreas-Centauri. While Bilithium H-Carbonate runs a good ship given a good hyper-speed headwind, its bi-products include that substance, also of a milky-white disposition yet altogether milkier and gooier, known as Hieroglythic-Iodide-Tachychloric Enzo-meteor extract, or HIT ‘EM for short, but which the infamous foxy karts of this star system call White-Coco, referred to also as the toothpaste from Hell, in which he claims certain remote groups of nomadic farmers chomp down on regularly, though these planets be few, within the Snuggle-Me-Elmo Galaxy, and which might also resemble a kind of runny oreo-cookie-like substance here on Planet X. In any event, and indeed, its effects can still be seen clearly enough on the flip side in its close relative resemblance to the Milky-Way. Oh, and by the way, what a curious concoction of spirits can be found here, both good and bad. However the case may be, Endeavor does not mess around, having secured clearance to distribute its waste along the 48th parallel of Snuggle-Me-Elmo, which incidentally corresponds to the very place at which heightened security measures have caused a disruption at the epi-center of the core in one of the lesser-known planets, ending in a Q.
Stay tuned for the next adventure of Team Whammo: “Detour around the Guster Cluster”!!! being then a compendium to the Adventures of Team Whammo.
Good luck making it in the real world this year everybody! Which goes for Benito as well, although he does not quite yet comprehend its significance, nor what importance it may hold in the eyes and the missions of Team Turbo.
Benito: “Why oh why is all the rum gone?”
Captain: “But why, oh why, are my pants missing?”
Admiral Nelson: “Why, Turbo just ate them in passing.”
Colonel DeSantis: “That’s impossible! You must be a bit tipsy, Admiral. Not even Turbo with his Boozahol abilities could withstand the effects of such a colossal snack as that of the Captain’s underpants. No, it was most certainly Chew-micca!
The First-Mate: “Chew-micca! Why did you eat the Captain’s underpants?”
Turbo (from the background): "Has anybody seen my pants?"
And so was all of Team Turbo left to wonder, while meanwhile… Commander Twelker had just agreed to undertake a special project on their behalf, which was in close accord, yet unknown to they themselves, with the Captain, but by all means benefiting the larger goals of Team Turbo. Having been too ill to accompany Commander Twelker on his mission, a top-down request on the part of his superiors, that he travel back to the galaxy known as Baked Alaska, but not having traveled that far south as to encounter those more baked citizens of this particular region known as the Anchorage Zone, but instead having voyaged past the twilight beyond to a little known part of this galaxy known as Juno, being surrounded on all sides by cosmic swirls of milky-white substance that drop down chocolate chunks of pouring hail on this quaint little island planet, in affiliation with Jupiter, yet distinct in and of itself, and let it be known, in extremely close contact with the Alliance! Though small, it is considered to be the capital of Baked Alaska and one that turns out many of the best baked islanders that go on to be high-quality engineers. At this time it was made known to the Commander that there was to be had a competition further south in which those engineer-minded physicists would be engaging in the highest levels of competition with like-minded individuals of similar age and backgrounds, all competing in their designs of the fastest “speeder-bike”. Yet Karlo’s design was unique in its configuration, using his advanced studies in this cutting-edge technology to his own advantage, and thusly coming up with a high-bred jet-propulsion engine, harnessing the powers of Foo-Shawn, which also happens to be a religion in the far-Eastern sections of the Turbonic Galaxy, to devastating consequences, or at least that is what Commander Twelker hopes to bring to the Baked Alaskan table this year and the grander Team Turbo at large. Mmmmmmmm. You just got served!
From what the Lieutenant has gathered, however, from his interviews with the Captain, who has himself been enrolled in late-night classes taught by recently-retired Sergeant Wilson of the Klingon Federations’s Alpha-fleet, XX Star-Command, in an effort to understand the complexities involved in such an endeavor, yet understanding well its importance to the larger goals of USS Endeavor’s elite force space squadron, on rendez-vous for tactical assistance with main Turbo HQ, but such were the circumstances upon which Team Turbo found itself, helpless to resist the alternatives to Bilithium H-Carbonate, which Endeavor had been using for fuel ever since the massive quantities have it had been discovered aboard the XXX Star-Command vessel known as Alpha-Centauri Maximus Prime, “Maxi” for short, which had just completed a routine circuit through the Medeira System, encountering countless numbers of meteors in the process, and finding a prominence of Lithium within the sulfuric meteor-field itself known to all as Eratreas-Centauri. While Bilithium H-Carbonate runs a good ship given a good hyper-speed headwind, its bi-products include that substance, also of a milky-white disposition yet altogether milkier and gooier, known as Hieroglythic-Iodide-Tachychloric Enzo-meteor extract, or HIT ‘EM for short, but which the infamous foxy karts of this star system call White-Coco, referred to also as the toothpaste from Hell, in which he claims certain remote groups of nomadic farmers chomp down on regularly, though these planets be few, within the Snuggle-Me-Elmo Galaxy, and which might also resemble a kind of runny oreo-cookie-like substance here on Planet X. In any event, and indeed, its effects can still be seen clearly enough on the flip side in its close relative resemblance to the Milky-Way. Oh, and by the way, what a curious concoction of spirits can be found here, both good and bad. However the case may be, Endeavor does not mess around, having secured clearance to distribute its waste along the 48th parallel of Snuggle-Me-Elmo, which incidentally corresponds to the very place at which heightened security measures have caused a disruption at the epi-center of the core in one of the lesser-known planets, ending in a Q.
Stay tuned for the next adventure of Team Whammo: “Detour around the Guster Cluster”!!! being then a compendium to the Adventures of Team Whammo.
Good luck making it in the real world this year everybody! Which goes for Benito as well, although he does not quite yet comprehend its significance, nor what importance it may hold in the eyes and the missions of Team Turbo.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Whammoing the Crap Outta Cancer
Lieutenant’s Log, Stardate 00200230:
The phones blare now as innumerable numbers of S.O.S. calls stream into the Team Whammo main ship, deckout out in all of its Canadian glory, from numerous parts of the galaxy from innumerable numbers of cancer-ward victims, who were stricken with a serious strain of cancer following a massive, comet wind-storm that arose out of nowhere around the cancerous constellation, known to many as that dreaded shape: “Cancer”. Team Turbo was a little slow to respond as their great and fearless leader, Le Chef Turbo, had cook up himself a whopping 99 different types of alcoholic beverages the night before from all around the Milky Way, including from the planet known as ‘Icelandia’, which is one hunk of ice. Yet deep under the surface is a dark liquid strain of liquid swirl, which some refer to as ‘Long Island Ice Tea’ because the best place to extract said beverage is from an island on the middle of this planet, surrounded by liquid called ‘Tripple Sec’ because of its rate of the tide being changed three times in one second, although others claim that once drunk, this has the power to give on three orgasms in one second, which is according to the definition of Le Chef: “Coming, going out for a bit, and starting up again.” Of course, the Whammo increases exponentially depending on the number of shooting stars, but let us not get too carried away in the metaphor, for it's all in the name of Whammo. Yet and in any event, the famous Icelandic brand lies far under the ice island[1], hence its name of ‘Long’, yet others claim that its name has other origins… something akin to Rainbow Trouts and their unusually long lengths when it comes time to swim up stream, taking together with their Beaver friends. Trust me, these are Benito words of wisdom: “Take a little rolled Maple Leaf, Beaver’s hash, and your Rainbow Trout, and you’ve got a night worthy of the best of any big fish, smash Friday night. Now that’s a cure for cancer if I have ever heard one! {I remember the time when me and the Captain were back at the original HQ in the Quairillion Sector and there was a surprise attack from a nearby friendly flyer, stealing the prized Maple-Leaf Mirror of untold power and mystery, but that’s another story…”} Although not fully understood, the effect of the mirror is something attune to the mileage underwater that Rainbow Trouts travel when diving deep for walrus eggs in Alaska, due to the fact that these trouts must hold their breaths for so long that they feel as if they’ve gone through a major spin factor/ have just finished celebrating "4/20". In addition, the crew of Team Turbo was kept up late at night due to the repairs they were making to the Starship “Whammo!” including repairing the “Turbo Drive”, and there were some reports of a special access card malfunction reported during another one of the training exercises, called the ‘V-card’. Yet the Captain’s expertise in this matter came to bear fruit in plenty, for after pondering the matter fully on the ‘Holla-deck’, he came up with the solution, restoring to full capacity the prized ‘V-card’. Suffice it to say, he found a special program on the ship’s computer networking interface, which allowed him to erase all viruses on said card. “Score!” exclaimed the Captain. And there was much singing of “Oh, Canada” late into the evening. Much later that evening….
The Turbo Crew is locked in an epic duel between camps and it coming down to the wire! Now reporting live, the winning team of 2nd-mate Bradley H.T., our Medical Officer, and Corporal Laura ensign. Due to the shocks and treatment provided by the Captain’s special assistant, Laura Whakim, the Captain is down, luxuriating on the floor by the fire with the last thing on his mind as that of finding a cure for cancer, as Laura applies the treatment. Although having taken previous measures to avoid said ‘gigglies’, apparently further applications of treatment are currently being administered, leading our team to slightly disorganized appearance, yet the Captain continues to fire away with fair success. During this procedure, Laura must stay cautious, being careful not to smoke the Captain’s aces as the ship’s engines have been firing their booster engines as they round the Galaxy’s Cape of Good Hope for a Cure for Cancer around the planet called ‘Saturnalia’. And now the grueling aspects of the exercise are commencing as each team must meet the challenges set down by all the other teams, namely that of jumping over flaming paper bags while singing the Canadian national anthem and eating mysterious bagel-brownies in the nude. It is such joy as jumping through hoops of fire after taking a burning shot, and then laughing with a galactic-banta-bowling-ball stuck on one’s head, engraved with the Canadian flag in crimson red. Le Chef at one point accidentally dropped a veggie burger on Chewmicca’s paw, causing her to jump and scare Courtney, as well as the Chief Medical officer, who jumped up in such a fright that she ran into the side of the tent, knocking it over. Upon which, Admiral Nelson jumped to avoid it into the arms of Colonel DeSantis, whose bowling ball then fell from the top of his head onto the Captain, luxuriating below and causing him to run away yelling, “My buns are burning!” To which the Lieutenant followed with his candle to assist Laura in any way possible, managing to find a birthday cake for breakfast along the way, and that is how the Captain got his first tattoo. But that is how the Kirby Cookie crumbles. The Cancerous Cookie, on the other hand, continues to crumble…
[1] According to most surveys, this brand of ‘Long Island Ice Tea’ lies about 9.5 miles below water.
The phones blare now as innumerable numbers of S.O.S. calls stream into the Team Whammo main ship, deckout out in all of its Canadian glory, from numerous parts of the galaxy from innumerable numbers of cancer-ward victims, who were stricken with a serious strain of cancer following a massive, comet wind-storm that arose out of nowhere around the cancerous constellation, known to many as that dreaded shape: “Cancer”. Team Turbo was a little slow to respond as their great and fearless leader, Le Chef Turbo, had cook up himself a whopping 99 different types of alcoholic beverages the night before from all around the Milky Way, including from the planet known as ‘Icelandia’, which is one hunk of ice. Yet deep under the surface is a dark liquid strain of liquid swirl, which some refer to as ‘Long Island Ice Tea’ because the best place to extract said beverage is from an island on the middle of this planet, surrounded by liquid called ‘Tripple Sec’ because of its rate of the tide being changed three times in one second, although others claim that once drunk, this has the power to give on three orgasms in one second, which is according to the definition of Le Chef: “Coming, going out for a bit, and starting up again.” Of course, the Whammo increases exponentially depending on the number of shooting stars, but let us not get too carried away in the metaphor, for it's all in the name of Whammo. Yet and in any event, the famous Icelandic brand lies far under the ice island[1], hence its name of ‘Long’, yet others claim that its name has other origins… something akin to Rainbow Trouts and their unusually long lengths when it comes time to swim up stream, taking together with their Beaver friends. Trust me, these are Benito words of wisdom: “Take a little rolled Maple Leaf, Beaver’s hash, and your Rainbow Trout, and you’ve got a night worthy of the best of any big fish, smash Friday night. Now that’s a cure for cancer if I have ever heard one! {I remember the time when me and the Captain were back at the original HQ in the Quairillion Sector and there was a surprise attack from a nearby friendly flyer, stealing the prized Maple-Leaf Mirror of untold power and mystery, but that’s another story…”} Although not fully understood, the effect of the mirror is something attune to the mileage underwater that Rainbow Trouts travel when diving deep for walrus eggs in Alaska, due to the fact that these trouts must hold their breaths for so long that they feel as if they’ve gone through a major spin factor/ have just finished celebrating "4/20". In addition, the crew of Team Turbo was kept up late at night due to the repairs they were making to the Starship “Whammo!” including repairing the “Turbo Drive”, and there were some reports of a special access card malfunction reported during another one of the training exercises, called the ‘V-card’. Yet the Captain’s expertise in this matter came to bear fruit in plenty, for after pondering the matter fully on the ‘Holla-deck’, he came up with the solution, restoring to full capacity the prized ‘V-card’. Suffice it to say, he found a special program on the ship’s computer networking interface, which allowed him to erase all viruses on said card. “Score!” exclaimed the Captain. And there was much singing of “Oh, Canada” late into the evening. Much later that evening….
The Turbo Crew is locked in an epic duel between camps and it coming down to the wire! Now reporting live, the winning team of 2nd-mate Bradley H.T., our Medical Officer, and Corporal Laura ensign. Due to the shocks and treatment provided by the Captain’s special assistant, Laura Whakim, the Captain is down, luxuriating on the floor by the fire with the last thing on his mind as that of finding a cure for cancer, as Laura applies the treatment. Although having taken previous measures to avoid said ‘gigglies’, apparently further applications of treatment are currently being administered, leading our team to slightly disorganized appearance, yet the Captain continues to fire away with fair success. During this procedure, Laura must stay cautious, being careful not to smoke the Captain’s aces as the ship’s engines have been firing their booster engines as they round the Galaxy’s Cape of Good Hope for a Cure for Cancer around the planet called ‘Saturnalia’. And now the grueling aspects of the exercise are commencing as each team must meet the challenges set down by all the other teams, namely that of jumping over flaming paper bags while singing the Canadian national anthem and eating mysterious bagel-brownies in the nude. It is such joy as jumping through hoops of fire after taking a burning shot, and then laughing with a galactic-banta-bowling-ball stuck on one’s head, engraved with the Canadian flag in crimson red. Le Chef at one point accidentally dropped a veggie burger on Chewmicca’s paw, causing her to jump and scare Courtney, as well as the Chief Medical officer, who jumped up in such a fright that she ran into the side of the tent, knocking it over. Upon which, Admiral Nelson jumped to avoid it into the arms of Colonel DeSantis, whose bowling ball then fell from the top of his head onto the Captain, luxuriating below and causing him to run away yelling, “My buns are burning!” To which the Lieutenant followed with his candle to assist Laura in any way possible, managing to find a birthday cake for breakfast along the way, and that is how the Captain got his first tattoo. But that is how the Kirby Cookie crumbles. The Cancerous Cookie, on the other hand, continues to crumble…
[1] According to most surveys, this brand of ‘Long Island Ice Tea’ lies about 9.5 miles below water.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Boozahol: It's What's for Dinner
Stardate 2020028: Indeed, the night of romping madness and good times on a night quite like this one, with blustery winds and intermitent showers, was quite a night, reminiscent perhaps of "Talledega Nights", starring Will Farrell, a movie I have not seen, and probably will never see following the unsuccessful attempt to blaze before seeing "Blades of Glory" (and hence Farrell was not as funny as he might have been!) the other night , and yet used for such a 'Catch Phrase' catch phrase as car race. Suddenly, during the transmission from a distant plant that was seeking to sell their female animals to the masses of the Turbonic galaxy, and for which the Lieutenant was fast at work trying to establish communication with said females by sending Morse code messages of the text word, "Georgia", in quick secession, the Admiral called for a training exercise. This enterprise called for each crewman, with the exception of the Captain, who explained readily to his wingman, Lieutenant Hundley, that his absence at said training exercise was to ready DDS0137 for the oncoming onslaught that was being anticipated the very next day, and in order to make all preparations for the support of Headquarters back at the DDS0137 ('DS137' for short) satellite station. In addition, the Captain was requiring additional time in the containment unit, having stayed up the previous night in anticipation of a cargo shipment which he was under orders to oversee: General's request. Nonetheless, the night was quite something, including the Lieutenant's getting so many hits in the next exercise involving high-tech pictorial notecards in which one is required to learn their symbols toward a highly complicated calculation of oncoming symbols that are hurled at you like Tie-Fighters at lightening speed. Despite the high barrage of phaser's blows to the stomach until he could hardly see the sunset on the horizon, and yet keeping his eyes on the prize, the Lieutenant managed to complete the mission without his wingman. Second-mate Hiebert-Treuer, who claims to have no associations with the Francolia Star System, yet maintains relations with the nearby star-cluster called Canadalia, yet known throughout the galaxy as Clusters of Malt Cider Sweetness. While in point of fact malt-cider has no sweetness, yet the second-mate has a special ability by which he may enjoy said sweetness of the cider-malt variety through his skills of maneuverability that release carbon atoms into nearby meteors that he brushes, causing a cosmic swirl to circle down upon the alien shores of Canadalia, and melts its snows to reveal the cider below, which lies in little tiny holes beneath the tide and inhabited by little furry creatures called 'Baby Beaver-mites', that are rather like tiny crabs, yet whose 'mites' nip rather than bite. And then, as the Captain remarked upon its retelling, "All hell broke loose!" The Colonel elected to take up custodial duties in the brig, sopping up the last of the suds from the Turbo drive's ignition, and performed his duties admirably, maintaining his sanity for the last training exercise of that night and a favorite of the General's, for which he has won numerous commendations in his abilities at firing precisely in those holes, using his Turbo powers through the channeling of the Boozahol in his belly, such that one would find destroys decisively any Death Star. And so he was bound for glory. Yet the Colonel and his Co-Pilot Admiral Nelson provided stiff competition and an admirable adversary, having seen a vision of four moms who gave them additional advice and support, unseen to all but them. Through their combined strengths of will, all five connected via mind-control to that which was the Boozahol in Chris's stomach, causing a surge that nearly floored him, yet and indeed he used his highly honed skills to channel the Boozahol back to his own advantage: quite a display of physical fortitude! But then came the infamous galactic Bounty-Hunter known as Bento from an alternate reality known as the Anibendrix. While his Boozahol-channeling abilities at Bay-root-Beer were not fully developed as yet, he had a bit of the Bento's Beginner's luck, being strong in the Boozahol and its subtler effects upon the consciousness, including his skill at making such antidotes as the 'Bento Broth', aka "The Kiss of Death" for its large signature kiss-shaped jam splotch on the side of the glass. "Kiss" in hand, Bento battled bravely with his shooting partner, Miss Lindsay, the 1st Medical Officer, named Best Nurse in the Galaxy in "Lifestyles of the Rich and Those Who Nurse Them" for a second year in-a-row, and new mate aboard the DDS137 Battle Station. She sought to use her channeling abilities and mind-control to apply the "Kiss of Death" to the General's belly, but to no avail. Bento and Miss L. were finally taken down for the count when Bento failed to destroy the last turret-guns on the side of the General's 'Boozahol Bus', baby! Good show. And the festivities countinued late into the night as 1st-mate Tabor and Field-Commander H.T. took their posts to dethrone the General, Master and Commander. Who won this bout for glory? Let the wookie decide...
Sunday, March 25, 2007
The Adventures of Team Whammo, Episode IV:
Around or very close to the Turbonic Galaxy, DDS037 on route to the Sunset Boulevard-Way, around the horn from the Cape of Codd Star System, Lieutenant's Log,
Stardate 2020027: Having successfully ventured through the intergalactic fog and star-dust, maneuvering through several star-clusters of Godzillac proportion, not to mention the WAHOO Meteor Field, the starfleet of the USS Cavalier's excursion vessel, USS Sancho Pilot with Captian Andrew S. Einstein, Communications Officer and Head Technician Benjamin R. Hundley, as well as the Associate Interface Networking Personnel, Colonel Nicholas DeSantis, known widely for his work in Intergalactic Trade Negotiation, in association with Commander Christopher A. Abbott, General, and Co-Captain of Excursion's cruiser Sancho Pilot, Admiral ensign Emily Nelson, with the assistance of new interface technology desigend by Lieutenant Hundley with the assistance and theoretical computation of Captain Einstein, namely (drum-roll)... the 'walkie-talkie', the Pilot vessel could hold and was in communication with its associate starship on this voyage, the USS Starfish, Admiral Nelson held an open feed live-wire with the General's first-mate Courtney Tabor and her femal wookie, Mika (a.k.a. Chewmikka). All in all, as recorded and stated earlier in this day's log, the maiden voyages of these new ships were success stories in all respects and the Cavalier's crew looks forward to more excursions within the Cape Codd System, including and also looking forward to extended celebrations of said days of excursion.
Stardate 2020027: Having successfully ventured through the intergalactic fog and star-dust, maneuvering through several star-clusters of Godzillac proportion, not to mention the WAHOO Meteor Field, the starfleet of the USS Cavalier's excursion vessel, USS Sancho Pilot with Captian Andrew S. Einstein, Communications Officer and Head Technician Benjamin R. Hundley, as well as the Associate Interface Networking Personnel, Colonel Nicholas DeSantis, known widely for his work in Intergalactic Trade Negotiation, in association with Commander Christopher A. Abbott, General, and Co-Captain of Excursion's cruiser Sancho Pilot, Admiral ensign Emily Nelson, with the assistance of new interface technology desigend by Lieutenant Hundley with the assistance and theoretical computation of Captain Einstein, namely (drum-roll)... the 'walkie-talkie', the Pilot vessel could hold and was in communication with its associate starship on this voyage, the USS Starfish, Admiral Nelson held an open feed live-wire with the General's first-mate Courtney Tabor and her femal wookie, Mika (a.k.a. Chewmikka). All in all, as recorded and stated earlier in this day's log, the maiden voyages of these new ships were success stories in all respects and the Cavalier's crew looks forward to more excursions within the Cape Codd System, including and also looking forward to extended celebrations of said days of excursion.
Spring Break
Having not been able to make it down to Durham, North Carolina/ New Orleans for Spring Break this year 2007, I've elected to take snowboard lessons at Smuggler's Notch, the highest ranking ski resort in the Northeast, in an effort to join the higher eschelon of snowboarders at Midd. Hopefully, I'll be landing jumps and doing 360s within the week! No, I really just want to get down a green or blue without falling on my face or injuring myself, but snowboarding is my thing from now on, for shizzle. 0white chocolateout.
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