Boozahol: It's What's for Dinner

Stardate 2020028: Indeed, the night of romping madness and good times on a night quite like this one, with blustery winds and intermitent showers, was quite a night, reminiscent perhaps of "Talledega Nights", starring Will Farrell, a movie I have not seen, and probably will never see following the unsuccessful attempt to blaze before seeing "Blades of Glory" (and hence Farrell was not as funny as he might have been!) the other night , and yet used for such a 'Catch Phrase' catch phrase as car race. Suddenly, during the transmission from a distant plant that was seeking to sell their female animals to the masses of the Turbonic galaxy, and for which the Lieutenant was fast at work trying to establish communication with said females by sending Morse code messages of the text word, "Georgia", in quick secession, the Admiral called for a training exercise. This enterprise called for each crewman, with the exception of the Captain, who explained readily to his wingman, Lieutenant Hundley, that his absence at said training exercise was to ready DDS0137 for the oncoming onslaught that was being anticipated the very next day, and in order to make all preparations for the support of Headquarters back at the DDS0137 ('DS137' for short) satellite station. In addition, the Captain was requiring additional time in the containment unit, having stayed up the previous night in anticipation of a cargo shipment which he was under orders to oversee: General's request. Nonetheless, the night was quite something, including the Lieutenant's getting so many hits in the next exercise involving high-tech pictorial notecards in which one is required to learn their symbols toward a highly complicated calculation of oncoming symbols that are hurled at you like Tie-Fighters at lightening speed. Despite the high barrage of phaser's blows to the stomach until he could hardly see the sunset on the horizon, and yet keeping his eyes on the prize, the Lieutenant managed to complete the mission without his wingman. Second-mate Hiebert-Treuer, who claims to have no associations with the Francolia Star System, yet maintains relations with the nearby star-cluster called Canadalia, yet known throughout the galaxy as Clusters of Malt Cider Sweetness. While in point of fact malt-cider has no sweetness, yet the second-mate has a special ability by which he may enjoy said sweetness of the cider-malt variety through his skills of maneuverability that release carbon atoms into nearby meteors that he brushes, causing a cosmic swirl to circle down upon the alien shores of Canadalia, and melts its snows to reveal the cider below, which lies in little tiny holes beneath the tide and inhabited by little furry creatures called 'Baby Beaver-mites', that are rather like tiny crabs, yet whose 'mites' nip rather than bite. And then, as the Captain remarked upon its retelling, "All hell broke loose!" The Colonel elected to take up custodial duties in the brig, sopping up the last of the suds from the Turbo drive's ignition, and performed his duties admirably, maintaining his sanity for the last training exercise of that night and a favorite of the General's, for which he has won numerous commendations in his abilities at firing precisely in those holes, using his Turbo powers through the channeling of the Boozahol in his belly, such that one would find destroys decisively any Death Star. And so he was bound for glory. Yet the Colonel and his Co-Pilot Admiral Nelson provided stiff competition and an admirable adversary, having seen a vision of four moms who gave them additional advice and support, unseen to all but them. Through their combined strengths of will, all five connected via mind-control to that which was the Boozahol in Chris's stomach, causing a surge that nearly floored him, yet and indeed he used his highly honed skills to channel the Boozahol back to his own advantage: quite a display of physical fortitude! But then came the infamous galactic Bounty-Hunter known as Bento from an alternate reality known as the Anibendrix. While his Boozahol-channeling abilities at Bay-root-Beer were not fully developed as yet, he had a bit of the Bento's Beginner's luck, being strong in the Boozahol and its subtler effects upon the consciousness, including his skill at making such antidotes as the 'Bento Broth', aka "The Kiss of Death" for its large signature kiss-shaped jam splotch on the side of the glass. "Kiss" in hand, Bento battled bravely with his shooting partner, Miss Lindsay, the 1st Medical Officer, named Best Nurse in the Galaxy in "Lifestyles of the Rich and Those Who Nurse Them" for a second year in-a-row, and new mate aboard the DDS137 Battle Station. She sought to use her channeling abilities and mind-control to apply the "Kiss of Death" to the General's belly, but to no avail. Bento and Miss L. were finally taken down for the count when Bento failed to destroy the last turret-guns on the side of the General's 'Boozahol Bus', baby! Good show. And the festivities countinued late into the night as 1st-mate Tabor and Field-Commander H.T. took their posts to dethrone the General, Master and Commander. Who won this bout for glory? Let the wookie decide...