So it's been a while since we last saw Team Whammo in action, so to speak, and after all that good turkey, no wonder they were all feeling a little bit sluggish after their picnic on the beach, but do briefly recap...
Team Whammo was just about to get down and dirty with some "Sexy Pop", as Em and Nick were backing it up against the door, while KFish was slip-sliding her way towards the party, and Steph the "Very Friendly" Smurf was just getting her groove on, about to rock it across the universe and beyond the Smiley Way, as Benito and Turbo were holding high their double-fisted toasts in Thanksgiving, when the Captain phoned in with some exciting news: "Looks like a got your ticket out of there, guys!"
Team Whammo: "Awwww..."
Nick in his hoola-skirt and Courtney with her coconut-bra were making sour faces, upset that their spontaneous swamp-side frivolity was being cut short. "Well, isn't that some mean Whammo!"
"Yeah..." continued the Captain. "Anyways, like I was saying, I can get you out, but your going to have to locate 'ol Austin on the far side of the moon. He's got the booster packs you'll need to rocket past this border planet. Commander Twelker could explain it better, but he's on Earth...."
Turbo: "Not Austen 'Whammo' Pwers!"
The Captain: "The same."
Benito: "Well, in that case you can just forget it, Cap'n. There's no way were going all the way to the dark side of the moon to find some hill-billy whose come all the way out here to reconnect with the universe, or some dumb shit like that. Hell, we can't even find our way out of this swamp, and...."
The Captain: "Patience, El Benito. You are still young in the ways of the Whammo and..."
Benito: "Aww, don't give me that Whammo crap. Who believes in the powers of Whammo these days anyhow?"
{Team Turbo looks at Benito, amazed at this audacious statement. It could have just been the light from a 'triple-shot sun', but it was almost as if Admiral Nelson's coconuts noticably began to sag at that moment.}
"Yeah, c'mon. We all know that the powers of Whammo are short-lived. Yes, it gives off short bursts of energy, given the right applications, and in the right situation can lead to brilliant spouts of Whammo for those who are well with the Whammo, but there is also the darker side of Whammo to consider. I mean, we don't even know the whereabouts of Dr. Felllatio and his evil henchmon, Professor Backdoor #2.....
Captain: "I do."
Benito: "Yeah, it's because of people like them that Whammo is so fuckin'... what? You know their coordinates as well??"
Captain: "Yes, as I was about to say, they are holding Austen for ransom on the dark side of the moon."
Steph the Friendly Smurf: "Not Austen! But what about his 'Whammo powers'?
{Benito looks surprised, taken aback that this little smurf should know anything of the powers of the Whammo.}
Captain: "I cannot say, but this much is certain. You must find Dr. Felllatio and his evil henchmon in order to save Austen and restore to him his Whammo powers, in order to use his booster rockets to rocket on past the dark side of the moon, or else the fate of Team Turbo will hang in the balence and potentially be submitted to random and perverse acts of Whammo."
BenitoL: Sounds righteous!
Chew-micca: "Rough."
{The Captain rolls his eyes. General Abbott's looks concerned and wears a furrowed brow.}
The Captain: "Alright, well don't say I didn't warn you! I'm texting you the coordinates... now."
Turbo: "Not all is well with the Whammo." Courtney (in the background): "That's original! Ha!}
Suddenly, Brad and Laura whisk in from behind a coconut tree in a hover-craft, shaped like a giant banana. The front peels open, scooping them all up, and they are all whisked away.
H.T.: HOw do ye like are new B.A.N.A.N.A. h37? iT'S just come on sale on Planet Canadalia and...
Canadalia (turning around with a wide, toothy smile for Team Whammo): ...we went for it!
Team Turbo: Sweeeeeet.
[Meanwhile, on the dark side of the moon...]
Dr. Felllatio is speaking to Austen 'Whammo' Pwers through a large straw ): as he endeavors to hear, but is having trouble as the Bad Doctor keeps dribbling and making a mess, even as the Bad Professor, dressed in sweat clothes and red in the face, towels it all up afterward.
Dr. felllatio927: What are the coordinates of the Whammo Secret Base?
Austen: I dunno. Why don't you ask Team Whammo?
Dr. felllatio927: I'm warning you Pwers! I've got a super-STD-enhancing Lazor, model 9271, orbiting around this moon. And, yep, you guessed it. I'm not afraid to use it!
Austen: Ooh, I'm so scared of your giant lay-ser! Ha! You can't touch me. I'm Austen 'Whammo' Pwers!
ProfBackDor272: Not without your Whammo powers, you ain't!
Dr. felllatio927: That's right. You tell 'em, Backdoor!
ProfBackDor272: Thanks, Dr. Fellll. wtg
Dr. felllatio927: yeah, right. wwwjd.
ProfBackDor272: wdygi?
Dr. felllatio927: wtc.
ProfBackDor272: But did you hear what emf232 had to say?
Dr. felllatio927: No, what was his tgif?
ProfBackDor272: He was like 'ews' to your 'nwrp'!
Dr. felllatio927: lol. Too funny. Backdoor, you're such a fuia!
Austen: Alright, enough with the IN-stan-MESS-aging!
Dr. Felllatio: Right. Austen, we want you to do something for us....
Austen (getting very annoyed now): What do you bimbos want, anyway? Gay sex? 'Cause I'm not adverse to...
Dr. Felllatio (with a glance at Prof. Backdoor): No, I mean, yes, I mean...that is...we want you to die.
Austen: {gulp}
Dr. Felllatio: And by die, I mean a figurative death by having very awkward, drunnken Whammo with a close friend...
Austen: ????
Dr. Felllatio (smiling broadly now and holding up a spiked, smiling dildo, which strangely enough, looks exactly like Dr. Felllatio's head!): "And this!"
{Austen, feeling really weirded out at this point, panics and kicks himself in the balls. That action triggers a re-action on the part of Team Turbo, that is, the male half of Team Turbo, having been getting busy in back with some high-quality, space-age Beer-Pong aboard B.A.N.A.N.A. Boat h37, all suddenly drop to the floor in spasms of pain. General Abbott and Colonel Desantis hop up first, being strong in the Whammo, not to mention those morning wake-up calls after a long night of Beirut and Boozahol.}
KFish: What was that?
Admiral Nelson: You guys eat some bad sushi or something?
Colonel DeSantis: Nah, nah, we're cool. Just a little turbulence in the back of the cabin, that's all.
Courtney (looking around, bewildered): Turbulence? I didn't feel any turbulence...
Turbo: Cheer up, Blindey. You know I'm the only Turbo-lence you feel.
Benito (pointing out the window): Looks like we're getting close to the dark side (of the moon)!
Admiral Nelson: "Who feels like singing?"
Benito: "The Dark Side of the Moon" by R.E.M.?
Admiral Nelson: No, silly. THE song.
Benito: "Oh, right...
Team Turbo: "It's Whammo; it's whammoooo...."
[To be continued...]
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